Bill Murray Runs On The Rain Tarp At Baseball Game

Bill Murray runs on the rain tarp at the Charleston River Dogs game during a rain delay. And….He’s…..SAFE!

Bored Judge Cancels Roger Clemens Trial And Says A Verdict Will Be Reached Through A Gladiator Fight

The judge presiding over the Roger Clemens trial has declared that the trial is over and a verdict will be reached through a gladiator fight between the prosecutors and Roger Clemens. “It seemed like the most logical way to go,” the judge said in an interview. “Clemens will have to take out all the prosecution and he can go away a free man.” The gladiator fight, which is scheduled to take place later this year, will consist of close combat fighting involving a variety of weapons such as swords, spears, maces, and axes. The gladiators will also be able to mount horses or ride chariots. “I’m really looking forward to it,” Clemens said. “It has been awhile since I did any sort of athletics so I’ll have to start working out again.” The fight will be televised on ESPN.

Picture via NY Post

Bryce Harper Struck By “Magical Bat”

Washington Nationals rookie Bryce Harper believes it was a “magical bat” that struck him in the eye following a dangerous tantrum that could of cost the Nationals millions of dollars. “That bat levitated by itself and struck me in the cheek area several times”, Harper said while pointing to the left side of his face. “It has to have some sort of magical powers. You know? Like the ones from Harry Potter or that Twilight movie.”

Harper received ten stitches following the tantrum. He is expected to recover from his horrific injury.